


Kaleidoscope

by ca_te



Category: Loveless
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-05
Updated: 2010-09-05
Packaged: 2017-10-11 12:07:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ca_te/pseuds/ca_te
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written on 25th April 2009. 1st person from Soubi's POV.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Kaleidoscope

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sashide](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=sashide).



> Written on 25th April 2009. 1st person from Soubi's POV.

I change my bandage everyday, 'cause the wounds bleed during the night. The first time it was just the night after Semei had made them; it was normal seeing how deep the knife had gone. But then it continued, night after night. It didn't stop with his death. It didn't stop when he came back. Maybe I continue to dream about him without noticing; may be now that he can't fill my everyday life he fills my dreams

 

It was a rainy day, it was a Sunday. I was alone at home, I was trying to paint something, anything. Kyo hadn't turned the tap well, water drops continued to fall in the sink. The sound irritated me but I didn't want to get up. I've always been moody on rainy days; that day it wasn't different, I wanted to hit something. I took a deep breath and started to think of Semei. I used to do that…he was my master but he also was the only one I trusted; I had put my own self into his hands. Thinking of the sharpness of his eyes during battle, thinking of his smile the day we met made my body tingle. Then the sound of someone knocking at the door fell over me, like a cold shower, like the showers I used to take after our battles, to wash away the memories and his smell, 'cause if it remained on my skin, in my nose, I couldn't sleep at all. I had learnt it with time, and my better paintings were all made during those sleepless nights. I had painted them in silence, concentrated, feeling his presence walking around the room.

I padded till the door, and opened it, without asking who was 'cause the way my blood was dancing in my veins and the hair at the back of my head were trembling was more than an answer.

Semei closed the umbrella and looked at me. I moved away from the door and let him in. He entered without saying a word and dropped a bag over the table.

\- This is for you.

I've always loved his voice, 'cause it just wasn't something of this world, it has always reminded me of purple, a deep shade of purple. The one of dried rose petals.

I took a look; there were a can of beer and a box of cigarettes. My mouth went dry, I swallowed. I didn't say anything. I opened the can while he walked around the house. It was a habit of his, I think he wanted to be sure he was safe. Sometimes I wished he could put himself in my hands, but the I always put the thought aside. The beer was good. I went back to the canvas.

When he entered the room again he walked towards me. I turned around to face him, as always waiting for orders.

He lifted my chin, his fingers were cold. He observed his name on my skin for a bit, I could feel shivers run down my back and then back up.

\- You'd better put some med on it, or it will hurt more.

I just replied with a weak "alright". Semei was like this, he was like a kaleidoscope, changing face after face. I knew there was a core which always was the same, still I couldn't understand him. It can seem childish, and self destructive but I wanted to be with him no matter what.

It always had made me happy when he came to me, and when he came I didn't ask anything, I didn't need words. Words are dangerous and we knew it very well, Semei did know. That was why he didn't talk about himself to me, he didn't say anything about us, he just came to my house and look at me during battles.

That day his gestures were speaking louder than ever to me, and I was resonating to them more than ever.

I turned again towards the canvas, I hear the bed springs whine when he sat down.

\- What are you painting?

I smiled, imagining that from outside we could seem a normal couple in that moment.

\- I don't know yet.

\- Please not butterflies again.

His voice sounded both quizzical and irritated. I remembered his eyes the day we had met, the glare he had thrown to Ritsu-sensei when he noticed I hadn't my ears.

\- Alright, no butterflies.

'Cause my wings were still nailed, but if it was Semei then it was alright. I wanted to be nailed down by him, 'cause it meant I wouldn't be abandoned.

He stayed there as I put the base colour on the canvas. Then he stood up.

\- I'm going to order something for dinner.

\- Alright.

I lighted a cigarette and looked out of the window. It had stopped raining, a quarter of moon was hanging from the sky.

We sat in the kitchen eating in silence. I finished my beer, Semei drank water as always. He chewed really slow; he used to eat with his eyes closed. It was something I really liked, 'cause I liked to see the little blue veins on hus eyelids. It was like if he was showing me something precious.

When he finished he opened his eyes. They were so deep my head span.

\- I'll be going then.

I nodded.

We got up and went to the door, I put my hand on the handle, he put his long pale fingers over it. I turned wide eyed. He looked right in my eyes then leaned forward and left a kiss on each one of the letters marked on my skin. When he lifted again his dark head, it seemed to me, in my scrambled and lost mind, that his eyes had grown softer. He pressed over my fingers, still on the handle, and opened the door. His back to me he said. " See you tomorrow. Be prepared". I looked at him taking a step and stopping again.

The moon was pouring a white light over him, his ears twitched in the still air.

\- And no butterflies this time.

I felt something growing bigger in my throat.

\- As you wish.

I closed the door and went for the cigarettes, as I lightened one of them my hands were shaking a bit. I laid on my bed, looking at the moon that seemed an oblique smile opened in the night sky.

As always, that night, I dreamt of him.


End file.
